A Guy’s Opinion on Body Dysmorphia & What He Finds Attractive In a Girl

Hey everyone! My name’s Kyle and, as some of you may have heard, I’m Christine’s boyfriend.

Kyle and Christine 2Some random things about me: I like playing tennis, camping, hiking, and going to the gym. I also have a barn in my backyard and love bigger dogs, like labs, golden retrievers, and german shepherds. Oh, and I’m currently working my way through the Harry Potter series. You may be wonder upon hearing that I haven’t yet read the Harry Potter books before “What have you been doing with your life???” but I’m working on them I promise! So there’s my auto-introduction haha. Additionally, I’m somewhat new to blogging, as in I’ve never posted a blog before nor been on a blog site other than Christine’s (which I saw for the first time very recently), so if at all possible, cut me some slack for my lack of blogging expertise.

Christine asked me to post about how guys perceive the way girls negatively pick apart their bodies and create somewhat distorted expectations and images of themselves. To start, let me say that I cannot possibly represent the entire male population on this subject, nor any other, and that I will simply be writing from my perspective, my ideas, and my observations.

So body image. It’s what people think of their body, right? I think it’s pretty safe to say that everyone prefers to have a positive idea and image of themselves. That can mean lots of things, as long as the individual is happy with him or herself. Body image insecurity definitely occurs among both guys and girls. I’m sure that all of us have experienced some sort of bodily insecurity before, I know I have. For example, when I’m at the gym and see Mr. Incredible in the middle of the floor benching 3 plates per side, aka a bazillion pounds (actually only 315lbs but might as well be a bazillion) and I look down at my measly 165lbs, I can’t help but feel a little self conscious.Christine: Sorry, couldn't help myself ;)!

Christine: Sorry, couldn’t help myself ;) Source

Body image, however, is more well-known or discussed when it is in regards to girls (at least that’s what I’ve observed). With any case comes insecurities, self consciousness, and other not-so-good feelings.

Now, my perspective. Please don’t take this the wrong way but I think most guys will agree with me that girls are way too picky about their body images. There are so many things girls get in their heads about how they “have to look” in order to be attractive that guys either don’t agree with or don’t even notice. Look at a lot of super skinny actresses and models for example. A lot of them have to starve themselves to look how they do and risk their health in the process. While some girls are naturally thin and lean, don’t feel like you have to overexercise and not fuel your body to achieve that body shape; you’re beautiful just how you are.

That being said, guys do like it when girls take care of their bodies. Notice how I distinguish between taking care and punishing. There’s a difference! I mean who wouldn’t appreciate someone who does that? That’s one of the things I find most attractive about Christine; she takes great care of her body and mental health and not just because of the aesthetic aspects, but also her long term health, which not only ensures that she’s going to live forever, but that she’s a total hottie! She also cares about my health and inspires me to eat better and take care of my body (That’s why she’s the best <3).

In my opinion, being dangerously underweight is something I consider eye-catching for the wrong reasons, especially when it negatively affects your health. A girl that Christine and I know fits into this category. She’s a really beautiful and nice person, but what girls do to themselves in the name of trying to change their body into what magazines say is beautiful almost makes me cringe sometimes.

Pea-PlateSource

Going more along with body shape, I can say with complete confidence that there is no particular shape that is “key” to attractiveness. And it really depends on what sort of look a girl is going for. Hot, pretty, cute, beautiful are all different categories of looks that guys think of when they see a girl. Guys may see girls as hot, but not necessarily beautiful, for example. You hear all these songs on the radio about the girls with the double D’s and the daisy dukes and stuff like that. That would be classified as hot, albeit an unrealistic expectation. Now, for me and a lot of other guys I know, “hot” doesn’t always translate to “attractive”. An example would be another girl that Christine and I are friends with that we both went to school with. She has a healthy body and happy self confidence about herself as well as being probably one of the sweetest and nicest girls you’ll ever meet, but she was one of the most attractive girls at our high school to every guy you’d ask. And what I mean when I say attractive is that if guys were asked who they would like to marry from our year they would almost all say it would be her.

What I’m trying to say with all this is that things such as embracing your body shape, a positive self-image, and being healthy, are prime examples of what I see as the most attractive factors of a girl.

So, back to the concept of girls negatively picking apart aspects of their bodies. This is always the result of some form of peer pressure. You may think “well what if a girl is simply uncomfortable with her body?” where does that insecurity come from? I see it as coming from the modern view of the definition of beauty and attractiveness. I strongly believe that girls are pressured from basically everything media related to look unrealistically slim and perpetually made up with makeup and fake tans. That seems to be a major, subliminal norm that is constantly around. I think that it’s awful, simple as that. Especially in ads and model shoots and those sorts of things, the girls are almost always photoshopped, look up some of the videos of the photoshopping process they go through. It’s absurd.

celebrity-photoshop-before-and-after-1Source

Remember what I said before, hotness and appearing like a sex object does not imply attractiveness. An actress that I think is really attractive is the Girl on Fire from the hunger games, Jennifer Lawrence. She is a lot more natural/normal/healthy looking than most stars, she works hard for her roles and to get in shape for them, and she seems to have a great personality. In any interview I’ve seen with her she’s always so spontaneous, bubbly, and relatable. So Christine, while you have your celeb crush on Mr. Zack Efron I guess I can say mine is on Jennifer Lawrence (and that’s okay because I know you have a girl crush on her too haha).

JenniferLawrence-560x348

Source

 Now, going along more with the topic of attractiveness, something that I and every other guy in the world find very attractive in girls are a mildly-bubbly, easy-to-get-along with personality. Girls that are easy to talk to, somewhat outgoing, and confident, are magnets to basically any guy you will ever meet. Like, tons of bonus points to a girls attractiveness when she’s nice to talk to and easy to relate to and hold a conversation with.

 In summary, please don’t let the modern peer pressure of unrealistic body images, especially ones involving being unnaturally slim or made-up, make you feel uncomfortable with yourself and your body. Know that most guys don’t even find a lot of those “peer pressured images” to be their definition of attractive. Also, remember that most guys put a pretty high value on a girls personality (I’m not sure how many of you feel like all guys are assholes and only care about girls being hot, but that’s not so much the case. If all the guys you know are actually like that then you need to meet more dudes). Guys love being able to comfortably hold a conversation with a girl and care about so many more things than your body shape.

 Hope it helps all the female readers understand a guy’s perspective on the subject a bit more and to feel more comfortable with yourselves, as you all should!

-Kyle

Christine: I (and Kyle, he was nervous to write this and spent a lot of time on it!) would love to hear your thoughts about the subject matter.

Of possible interest: My post on Body Dysmorphia & Perfect Imperfection

(Visited 1,052 times, 1 visits today)

Comments

  1. says

    Thanks for sharing your honest opinion with us. In general I am pretty happy with myself and my body image…and when I have those “moments” of insecurity…I always remind myself…”look and see yourself the way Mike (my hubby) sees you”
  2. says

    This was a very interesting post! It was nice to read about this subject from a guy’s point of view. It’s reassuring to know that most of them aren’t into the skeleton types! Thanks for sharing!
  3. *Andrea* says

    great post!! nice to hear from a guy’s point of view. your boyfriend is so mature for a college student too. i think the obsession and preoccupation with bodies takes up wayyyy to much time and energy for girls. instead we should be having fun, working hard, following our passions, etc.
  4. says

    Kyle’s such a sweetheart. And major bonus points for Jennifer Lawrence–I’d marry that woman if, you know, I actually knew her and she was into that sort of thing. Also, I don’t know who that super muscley guy is, but he’s scary.

    I think this issue goes both ways–like Kyle said, some guys feel insecure about not having enough muscle or not being strong enough. At least to me, guys who have muscles bursting out of their skin aren’t attractive. They’re actually really scary-looking to me (like that dude). I think it’s a lot easier for girls to put into perspective our insecurities when we consider that.

    Love this post in general, love you two, love life. Woot. (I’m done being weird now, I promise. It’s Friday afternoon, cut me some slack. :P)

  5. says

    This was such a great idea for a post! I love that Kyle wrote one for you and it’s nice to hear the guy’s perspective on such a sensitive topic. I do like that reminder that guys aren’t always going for the bone thin girls. Thanks for sharing :)
  6. says

    First of all I must say that for this being his first post, he did absolutely AWESOME! :D So kudos to Kyle!

    Secondly, it really does seem to be a true thing…at least for my husband. He mirrors Kyle’s thoughts and opinions almost to a T. It’s a nice reminder and good thing to hear. I know my husband has even told me that when I weigh more than I am right now, I look a lot more attractive and healthy. His main concern and priority is that I’m happy and healthy. I think a lot of goes to how you feel about yourself. If you are comfortable in your skin, that will show in your personality, thereby attracting men to you. But if you’re uncomfortable in your own skin, are self-conscious, or have a lot of negative body-image, that will carry through in your personality.

    Awesome post! :)

  7. says

    Thanks for sharing your perspective, Kyle! At least for myself I can say this was truly insightful as I do have male friends but it’s not a topic I’d have felt comfortable to ask them about. Especially hearing that part about hotness versus attractiveness. Hearing straight from a guy that yes, you might find models hot but not necessarily attractive as persons is relieving and reassuring. I’d have to agree that it’s pretty similar for us girls: Talking about this with friends we agreed we’d surely gush about several Hollywood actors with their six-packs at times. But at the end of the day a guy we can talk to and who listens to us it much more attractive than one’s whose only focus is on keeping his body in shape.
    Christine’s a lucky girl to have found you and the two of you are such a cute couple!
  8. Angela says

    Wow great post, very thorough! SO cute the way you talk about Christine, you guys are so adorable together.
  9. says

    I really enjoyed reading this post! You guys are so cute together :) It’s always nice to hear things from a guy’s perspective. And I have a girl crush on Jennifer too..AND she’s my boyfriend’s celeb crush as well :p
  10. says

    I loved reading this post! Not bad for a first blog post! I also love Jennifer Lawrence for sticking up for her body :) Anywaaay, you and Christine are so cute together!!
  11. says

    It was nice to hear a guy’s perspective on what’s attractive in a female. I like Kyle’s point of view & think you have a smart man. ;)
    These days we as females put too much pressure on ourselves to look a certain way & it’s not always realistic or healthy. As Kyle pointed out, those skinny rail-thin girls that starve themselves aren’t even attractive. Being healthy, happy, & a nice person is what is attractive.
  12. says

    This is such a great post. Kyle, you did an awesome job writing it, first time blogging or not! I know people always say figure isn’t all guys care about, but it’s really nice to hear that coming from a guy. Thank you!
  13. says

    I absolutely love this post. Thank you both Kyle and Christine!! I adore Jennifer Laurence, I think she’s an awesome role model for girls! It’s also really refreshing to read a guy’s perspective because I think we (meaning women haha!) get stuck inside our own heads a bit too much about how we’re supposed to look. This post really touched my heart, thank you so much!! :)
  14. says

    Love this little guest post! And I could not agree more with the subject. Especially the part about the photoshopped girls, that makes me SO angry. It’s just setting us up to make us feel bad about ourselves.
  15. says

    It’s so great to hear a guy’s perspective! It does seem that girls think guys care more about how they look than guys actually do. I love how you say that what you really care about is taking care of your body. I think if more girls knew that that’s what guys (at least some) thought, girls would be more inspired to not just focus on how they look and focus more on taking care of themselves.
    And this was truly so well written. Entertaining, informative… if I didn’t know you had never written a blog post before, I truly never would have guessed!
    Oh and btw, Jennifer Lawrence IS definitely awesome for how she promotes a good body image! :)
  16. Jae says

    This is incredible. I thank you so much for this post as it’s something that’s been plaguing me these days :)
  17. says

    Agree with everything Kyle has stated! I hate when my female friends eat like birds or rave on about losing weight when they are tiny to begin with! I should refer them all to this post!
  18. says

    I missed this post the other day and am just now reading it and glad i didnt miss it! I think its great to hear what Kyle has to say and agree with him that the media tends to make young girls feel like they need to be very skinny. I think being fit and healthy is so much better for you than simply just worrying about what size you are.
  19. says

    Like Nicole said, I’m not sure how I missed this post because I was looking forward to it! Really well written and well said Kyle! Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I hope to read more guest posts from you :)
  20. Claire says

    You guys are soo cute together! Makin me jealous over here :( haha but Kyle…please do more guest posts. Please :)
  21. says

    Just stumbled over this post from July and I have to say I love it – it is one of the most beautiful posts regarding body image that I read in a while and I know a lot of guys who have exactly the same opinion as Kyle (my boyfriend included). It is so important to bring this out there and build a counter-picture to the unrealistic media standard!
  22. Karli says

    I know I’m just now reading about this but I’m so glad i did. I’m 18 and I’m not like girls my age. I barely wear make up and people tell me I’m so pretty without it. I wear my hair naturally wavy and get compliments. Even though people keep telling me I’m pretty the way I am, I still worry ALOT about how attractive I am to guys. I want a very specific type of guy but I always think sometimes “He is way out of my league and wants a very flashy girl.” But after reading this, I know I have a great personality and I am pretty but in my own way. Thank you Kyle and Christine for helping me realize that! I’m truly blessed to have read this.
    • says

      Hi Karli,

      I’m so sorry to be replying to this so late! I’m going through my comments and just noticing now that a lot of them weren’t approved :/. You are BEAUTIFUL just the way you are and, from what I’m hearing, you don’t need to enhance anything about yourself. If you do wear makeup, wear it for yourself and not because you want to please others. <3

Trackbacks